I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
