If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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