Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
