how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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