How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize