If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
