It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize