you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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