Did you just see the Batmobile???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
