in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
please don't ironically join a cult
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