just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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