Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
