I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
