turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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