Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
