My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
