Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's paint friendship bongs
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
