you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
