You really coming over, don't trick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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