We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
