You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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