Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found your dick twin last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize