Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
