Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize