there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
