i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
