I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
