i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
