There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
