I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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