oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
