im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
