I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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