glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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