My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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