I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
