haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
