I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize