making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
