Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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