My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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