shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
