white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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