i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
