just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
