We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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