dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
