I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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