Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's always time for handjobs
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
