Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
