I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
