I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
