We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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