i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
