I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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