You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
