if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
