What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize