I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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