as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
