How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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