Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
