My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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