Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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