i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
