time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
