Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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