$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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