Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
