I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
